First-Timer Needs Critique

Matthew Hinman · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 04:05 (GMT) Post subject: First-Timer Needs Critique

OK, I'm throwing myself at the mercy of the wolves here... I just cut my first demo with my new studio. I personally think it sounds a bit rough, and needs polishing... that's where your comments can surely help.

The gear I'm currently using:

MXL-990 Condenser Mic
Nady Metal Pop Filter
M-Audio MobilePre USB
Adobe Audition

--
Matthew

Robert Jadah · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 04:23 (GMT) Post subject: Hit the Matt

Sir, your production and background music are not awful.
But since sweet only counts on Valentine's Day, I'm obliged to be honest here.
That ain't gonna cut it, Matt. You sound awfully tentative and uncertain.
There is no passion in the delivery.
It is flat and lifeless.
The secret has been posted here only about 137 times. When will it sink in?
You cannot take a voice, lay down a basic read, and then expect the world to beat a path to your mic.
It's back to the drawing board, Matthew. You will need to study, practice, take courses, and/or read everything at the three Demo of the Day threads to even take a first tentative step to believeable delivery.
Now do it!

Matthew Hinman · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 04:35 (GMT) Post subject:

Just what I wanted to hear! And, I figured Robert would give the straight dope. Yeah, it's a far cry from where I want to be. Thanks for the pointers!

I still welcome further comments...

Tom Greenlee · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 04:44 (GMT) Post subject:

I don't usually critique because until I'm where I need to be I don't usually feel comfortable critiquing someone else, but Matt, I really have to agree with Rob. That was not good man. If that spot made it to TV or radio, I would have changed the channel. It completely sounded like you were reading, but not just reading...it sounded like you were reading something you were completely unfamiliar with....hesitant and tentative like Robert said. If it were easy to make the script your own and make it believable, everyone would be doing it. I'm still working on it as I know all the pros on this board are working on it....some in differing stages of perfection. But Matt, based on that demo, you are not yet at the point where you should be answering leads, or cutting a demo. This should be your ramping up...gearing up stage....training, and practice. It's nothing to feel bad about, everyone that is successful had to go through it. The ones that didn't, found out the hard way. There are plenty of pros here that are willing to help you with critiques and pointers to get you and keep you on the right track if your committed to the craft. Hang in there bro and get some training and practice practice practice. Reading this, it sounds kind of harsh, but it's only meant to be helpful. As Robert would say...
Voice On!

Matthew Hinman · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 05:01 (GMT) Post subject:

That's what this is all about... breaking ground. I have no intention of doing anything serious for quite some time... And I know I need some practice to sound more natural.

Unfortunately, I read very well... trouble is, getting it sound like me and not a script...

That said, here's take two of that same promo.

--
Matthew

Scott Pollak · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 05:13 (GMT) Post subject:

Hi Matthew,

Thanks, first of all, for being so obviously open to the well-intentioned critiques you'll receive here.

I just listened to both takes, and yes, the second one is better, but it's not there. Nor is the 'demo', because it isn't a demo. It's one cut, one spot, one commercial, and one that's honestly mediocre at best.

If you're looking to create a demo, you have to have a showcase of perhaps a half-dozen different styles, subject matters, moods and deliveries in your demo to show your skills, range and mastery. Obviously a 1-spot 'demo' doesn't do that.

Next: I just don't hear your voice as being a power voice as you're trying to make it be in this. Do yourself a favor and take a step back. Find various bits of copy that are less hi-energy and more relatable. Your voice is more of a gentle, fatherly, nurturing tonal texture and lower energy level than it is of the hard-sell, in-your-face, power dude.

Watch things like your plosives, too. I heard some serious 'p-popping' in that second take especially. And listen to some demos from some of the truly great talents on this site as they massage the copy, breathe LIFE into it, feel it, make it REAL. What you gave us, in both cases, was just a read. It wasn't a horrible read, but it was simply a read. And anyone can do that.

Good luck and I'll look forward to hearing more from you.

Matthew Hinman · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 14:53 (GMT) Post subject:

Thanks, Scott! The pop filter I use doesn't seem to catch the plosives as good as I'd like. I also try to control plosives at the lip level, too.

I guess I was hoping to try more of a single cut before I go into several different styles to make a true demo. But, I have to say that your critique was by far the most informative.

Scott Pollak · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007, 18:42 (GMT) Post subject:

BTW, Matthew, the best place to garner feedback on your demos is over on the voiceover Idol thread, for future reference. Laughing

Matthew Hinman · Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007, 01:20 (GMT) Post subject:

I guess my next question is, how do I go from announcer to a more natural, real-sounding voice? I get behind the mic and I'm reminded of my radio days and I turn into "Mr. Announcer". I'm working on some podcasts, and I think I'm more natural there.

Also, I'm having a hard time cutting the nasality out of my voice the older I get. Ten years ago I was more baritone, and lately my voice has gone up in tone and become more nasal. I also sing and my range has shifted upward almost a half octave.

Maybe this is why I sound more announcer-like, trying to fight the nasality.

Any tips?

(BTW, those cuts did totally suck, didn't they?)

--
Matthew

Joe J Thomas · Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007, 01:26 (GMT) Post subject:

Robert Jadah · Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007, 03:31 (GMT) Post subject: who nose?

The nasality shouldn't really enter it, Matt, since the tone should be rumbling up from the diaphragm. Much like in singing, I would think.
If you're letting the little protruberance get in on the action, you're just asking for nasality.
Cut it off! Lose it! Get rid of it!
No! Wait! I didn't mean literally!
Voice On!