Commercial Demo Critique Please!?

Jenna Sharpe

Hi everyone

I would appreciate a critique on my commercial reel. Commercials are an area I find quite hard (character is my thing) but I know with some advice and experience I could improve a lot. At 1:49 I realize it is too long for industry standards so any guidance on what to cut or what may be missing would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Jenna

Melba Sibrel · Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008, 20:36 (GMT) Post subject:

Keep in mind that anything I say is just my first reaction from a US standpoint -- I don't know the British or European markets.

However, if I were cutting this down, I'd keep:

the Dark Temptation spot -- good presence, exciting and sultry
Samaritans -- I belived you
Big Mini curling iron -- good delivery and right in your age range
Frontline flea -- cute character; you do sound very comfortable
Loreal -- nice
Promo w/the stars -- I could hear you doing that

I'd lose:
Sci Fi Promo -- your voice doesn't have the presence to pull that off
Mobile phone -- too sinister; don't buy it
FM Night -- too sleepy

Those first two clips ar eso low energy that those can cause a rush to the stop button, honestly. I'd think about opening with the "Dark Temptation" clip and lengthen it to boot.

Many of the clips sound tinny...there's not enough presence; don't know if these are clips from actual spots are not, but you might have an engineer see what can be done to bring more body to it, while maintaining the distinct sound of each clip, for the next incarnation.

Just my $.02. Which isn't even worth one, right now, to you! Laughing

Jenna Sharpe · Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008, 21:03 (GMT) Post subject:

Thanks Melba.

All the reads except for the Sci Fi one are the raw audio from my mic. I didn't do anything in the way of filtering so maybe there is something that can be done to improve the presence.

I could live with losing the ones you suggest Smile

Philip Banks · Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008, 18:16 (GMT) Post subject:

Every demo needs a eureka moment and yours doesn't. At some point in your demo there should be something that will stay with a producer, agent or director. If a voice over has not structured their demo in such a way where there is at least one "ooooo nice" or a variety to cater for different tastes then the result is either something forgetable or something that will jar on the listener.

Jenna, you read well and the sound is good but you didn't Wow me. I'm sure it's well within your capabilities to do that.

Jenna Sharpe · Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008, 18:54 (GMT) Post subject:

Wish I knew how to deliver that wow factor or indeed what the wow factor is.

I can't really say I have experienced a 'eureka' moment listening to commerical demos but I think i know what you mean. It doesn't take me long to decide whether I like a person's voice or their reads but a demo really stands out when I hear a particularly witty, original or clever piece of writing on a spot. I think that may be what is missing on mine and that I have played it too safe. Might be time to enlist some help with the writing as clearly i am not witty or clever enough Razz

Erik Sheppard · Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008, 19:33 (GMT) Post subject:

Hmmm...

I am a fan of your voice but this didn't quite do it for me either. I would like to hear a bit more presence in the sound overall as well. It would be great if you could find a good producer. Colin Campbell does a bang up job if you're interested.

Alright, To really tear it apart:

The first spot was good but I would not lead with it
The second was just OK. I think it could have been read a little happier
The third was good but I'm not sure about the bed
I liked the 4th and 5th
The hair color spot could have been a bit sexier. Not quite like the next spot, which was good, but you didn't seem as though you felt like a new woman after using it.
The 8th was OK but could certainly use some EQ.
The 9th was good as well but maybe should have more of a caring, concerned tone
The last spot was alright but isn't going to sell anyone on your voice because of the effect.

I am sure with just a little tweaking you can put together something fantastic. I look forward to version 2.0.