Need some emotional feedback

Paul Sleboda · **Voice Talent** Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 235

Need some help on this one to see if the emotional feel comes across. Your insight please.
Paul

Robert Jadah · **Voice Talent** Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 2627

It's all right, Paul...nothing to be ashamed of.
But no, I didn't feel it.

It's a great little piece...and I mightn't have done much better. I can only suggest that you did not close your eyes tightly and bring yourself back to childhood: where you could actually feel and hear and sense the pain and angst required here.

You read it, Paul. You read it well, and you read it with feeling.

But you were not really, really, really there.

The opening line, for example, is where you needed to grab the listener.
"My luck ran out on ...." just cries for pained, strained, wistful, quiet drama.

It's a tough one. It's as far from the Chewbacky Tractor Pull as you can get.

Good? yes. Emotional? Not so much.

Three stars.
To mine ears, anyway.

Voice On!

Scott Pollak · Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007, 02:56 (GMT) Post subject:

Yup, pretty much what the esteemed R.J. said above me, Paul. I think he's right on target here.

Paul Sleboda · **Voice Talent** Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 235

Thank you to the experts. You both bring out very valid points. After listening again, I sensed I wanted to let go but did'nt. I did'nt want to go over the top and held back. I was'nt even close to the top.
Thanks
Paul

Andy Quiñones · **Voice Talent** Joined: 19 Feb 2006 Posts: 187

The highly esteemed Robert hits it on the nail once again and I couldn’t agree more with his assessment. I guess if what you were intending to create was a more deeply moving piece, which I would also agree would fit perfectly with such a piece without crowding in a bunch of gratuitous gore setting details, but rather of an emotionally unsettling scene, then I would question the calmness of the narrator as of that of a 3rd party “reporter” as opposed to a first hand [present tensed] description of a traumatic event.

Maybe if the narrator were more emotionally involved—not that he isn’t either to confuse matters further—but on “another level” perhaps with a cranked up sense of despair or some other acting artifice, not that this was not achieved however at perfectly great levels.

I mean is it reasonable for the narrator to expect listeners to react beyond what he is experiencing and expressing?

I’m feeling it along with him, it’s just that if he wants me to go further he must lead me there emotionally. I know this makes absolutely no sense—I’ve been reading to much Eric Morris on acting LOL

Love your tones btw, really smooth….

Colin Campbell · Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007, 23:52 (GMT) Post subject:

Oh, I want my hands on that script. Care to post it.

Paul Sleboda · **Voice Talent** Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 235

Here you go Colin or anybody else that wants to give it a try.

Paul

Thom Wilkins · **Voice Talent** Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 587

OK - I'll give it a go - Looks like a challenge

Vietnam - A Soldier's Story -

HEAVY DRAMA !

Andy Quiñones · **Voice Talent** Joined: 19 Feb 2006 Posts: 187

Oh Thom, you naughty man you…. You’ve made a grown man cry here. Hot damn you man…. What a delivery. I think Eric Morris would be very pleased. Bravo, I mean Bravo dammit!!

Paul Sleboda · **Voice Talent** Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 235

WOW
How can I compete with that?
Did you get an invite to this one? Because if you did and you handed in that performance, again I've wasted my time!
BRAVO
I have much work ahead of me....

Paul

Soldiers keep on marching off to war ...... and the beat goes on ......

Robert Jadah · **Voice Talent** Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 2627

Note to Paul:

You see. Thom's impassioned, emotive read there (kudos, Sir; too bad about that terrible script-writing in including the word "horror-stricken" - which no casual conversation/reminiscence would ever include) vividly illustrates how taking it to where we think it's over the top is actually eminently listenable and believable.

It's our own inhibitions that make us fearful of that big leap.

Voice On!

Thom Wilkins · **Voice Talent** Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 587

Paul Sleboda · **Voice Talent** Joined: 15 Jan 2007 Posts: 235

Thom,
How about I substitute yours for my demo. If we get the gig I take 30% commision?
Hey it's better than the V321.ru gigs! Laughing

Paul

Thom Wilkins · **Voice Talent** Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 587

Thom Wilkins · **Voice Talent** Joined: 02 May 2005 Posts: 587

Not to make light of the subject - at all - but here was my approach (Not a good Bubba - but... )

Forrest tells "Bubba's" story - (Or how I got into the War mindset)

Now so you know - In prep for the other read - I did this first - Having seen the movie and remembering the scene... and adjusting for the copy ...

The idea being what would Forrest say about his friend "Bubba" - taking the hit in Vietnam - surviving, then dying, visualizing all the while in the mind's eye the action (as an observer)- the War horror came to focus in the subconscious, then threw in a dose of personal pain and experience...

And stepped into "Bubba's" shoes - and told his story from his POV, surviving.